BILL & TED'S EXCELLENT ADVENTURE keanu reeves george carlin STONER CLASSIC 1989 VHS

Bill: Remember, dudes! Don't try looking us up in the phone book. And if Mr. Kincaid answers the phone, don't say anything about our eBay auctions. Okay?

Ted: So how are we getting rescued out of here if no one's supposed to contact Mr. Kincaid? Like, the cops are obviously gonna call him. He owns this place.

Bill: Look, just because I haven't thought that far ahead doesn't mean my plan won't work. Did Chris & Tommy win the science fair or what?

Ted: Yeah, but they had a time machine. Plus assists from David Cassidy and Olivia d'Abo.

Bill: I wish she was here to help us now. Olivia d'Abo. Wow. I wish she'd make some more movies. Why isn't she still making movies? I hope she didn't fall on hard times and lose her teeth in the gutter.

Ted: You mean Margot Kidder.

Bill: Oops! That was fucked up, I know. Sorry, Margot.

Ted: If we had a time machine, we could get out of here by ourselves!

Bill: Just like in our favorite movie.

Bill & Ted: Bill And Ted's Exxxxxcellent Adventure!

Ted: That's an excellent flick!

Bill: Yeah, it's an adventure, too!

Ted: Some people think we got named for those guys.

Bill: Number one, we weren't.

Ted: Number two, we were already born by the time that flick was out.

Bill: But it's okay by us if people are confused.

Ted: Because Bill Preston, esq., and Ted (Theodore) Logan are two righteous dudes!

Bill: Just like Rufus said, even when confused, we must remember to always be excellent to each other.

Ted: Now, this film right here, Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, is far superior to the sequel, Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey.

Bill: Naw, dude, I liked their Bogus Journey!

Ted: But it's not better than their Excellent Adventure.

Bill: Oh, yeah, right.

Ted: As I was saying, there's bodacious shit going on in this film left and right.

Bill: Check out the medieval babes they bag from the thirteenth century!

Ted: They get this time machine, right, and use it to scoop up famous dead dudes from the past so they can ace their history finals.

Bill: Myself, I would have used the time machine slightly different, no offense to our heroes. I would have gone back to a time when dinosaurs ruled the earth, and giant female weed plants grew freely, prehistoric buds sometimes three and four feet in diameter, glowing green with elemental stone-age type crystals!

Ted: Yeah, but if you brought one back, it might be like the butterfly that got stepped on in the Bradbury story, and it would have dire consequences for the entire space-time axis. You'd come back and find totally bizarre stuff had gone down, like George Bush was President again or something!

Bill: No, because I'd smoke it right there, and the power of that prehistoric leaf would be so strong, it would give me a permanent buzz!

Ted: We got that part down already man, smoking nine times a day. You don't need no caveman weed to do that.

Bill: Maybe if we visualize really hard, this microwave here will turn into a time machine, just like Rufus' phone booth.

Ted: I don't think so, man. Look, gimme some of that. Don't be a bogart!

Bill: Listen up! Keanu Reeves rocketed to fame on the strength of this 80's classic! It spawned a sequel! It inspired millions of stoners to put their bowls down, and go to the video store! It's got George Carlin in his most memorable role ever! It's got a sexy step-mom who wears revealing clothes and makes you wish you were sleeping over at Ted's house! And if I'm not mistaken, this title was on moratorium for a long time, making an original copy like this super rare!

Ted: So what are you waiting for, dudes? Bid on it!

You are bidding on a previous rental, used VHS videotape of Bill And Ted's Excellent Adventure (1989), SP mode, the original video release for this title on the Nelson Entertainment label. Tape comes with original box, is in good condition and guaranteed to play. High bidder pays $3.50 S&H. Credit cards accepted using PayPal.

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A VERY BRADY SEQUEL conspiracy secrets revealed 1996 VHS

Bill: Yo! Dudes! Don't try looking us up in the phone book. And if Mr. Kincaid answers the phone, don't say anything about our eBay auctions. Is that cool?

Ted: Look, man, you need to get a little deeper into this Brady Bunch conspiracy theory thing.

Bill: I will, dude! Have you told the people what they're bidding on yet?

Ted: A Very Brady Sequel. The sequel to the last movie we listed.

Bill: That's pretty organized. Jonah needs to give us a raise.

Ted: He needs to come let us the fuck out of the break room is what he needs to do!

Bill: Look, man, just chill out. We don't even know what time it is. How long ago did he leave?

Ted: Hours ago! Days!

Bill: See what I mean? My watch has been broken since last month, and you don't even own one.

Ted: Time is a relative thing, dude. It'll lock you down if you let it.

Bill: Right. So anyway, the thing you have to know about Sherwood Schwartz, the creator of The Brady Bunch, is that he's a very crafty dude with an eye on world domination.

Ted: I thought he was dead.

Bill: That's Charles Shultz, Mr. I'm Informed. The guy who drew Snoopy.

Ted: Snoopy was cool. Who'd you like better, him or Woodstock?

Bill: PigPen was my favorite Peanut. All those clouds hovering around him everytime he showed up? Obviously a stoner.

Ted: So why does Schwartz want to rule the world?

Bill: He's never forgiven the networks for cancelling his baby, Gilligan's Island. He figures if all the public wants is Brady Bunch and more Brady Bunch, he'll give it to them, with secret brainwashing rays encoded in the broadcast signals and video programming!

Ted: Why is he brainwashing who?

Bill: The general public, moron, and Brady fans especially! He's trying to turn the Brady Bunch into the gang from Gilligan's Island! Like in this sequel here, where are they?

Ted: Um, it says here they all go to Hawaii for a surprise wedding anniversary vacation.

Bill: See? They're on an island! Making sense now?

Ted: You lost me, dude.

Bill: Look, man, he's cloning people left and right! He's already cloned the Bradys. He's gotten their clones to work for him, without pay, as the new generation of Brady Bunch kids. Remember that campy Brady revival theatre show that travelled around college towns ten years ago? Don't see that around anymore, do you! It was all because of Sherwood!

Ted: So what's his master plan?

Bill: A world filled with five billion Gilligans. All the continents pushed together to form one giant island. No more males and females, natural reproduction outlawed, replaced by cloning.

Ted: No Mrs. Howells?

Bill: Or Gingers, or even Mary Annes. I'm telling you, this dude is super dangerous!

Ted: Wow. And I bet he's got the money to do it! Those re-runs have made him stupid rich!

Bill: Right! And they only way to stop him is by getting the truth out there where the people can see it!

Ted: Okay! So right here, we got the second modern day Brady Bunch movie, A Very Brady Sequel! Shelley Long back for more shenanigans leading the Brady clan on a return voyage to Hawaii and the sinister cave of Tiki Taboo! Will Greg get hit on the head while riding the wild waves? Will he get to play smell my finger with his forbidden love Marcia? Will Mike forget about being gay long enough to win Carol's heart back from her first husband Tim Matheson? Will Sherwood Schwartz use this movie to brainwash you into becoming a willing participant in the march of the Five Billion Gilligans?

Bill: Only one way to find out. Bid on it!

You are bidding on a previous rental, used VHS videotape of A Very Brady Sequel (1996), SP mode, released on Paramount label. Tape comes with original box, is in good condition and guaranteed to play. High bidder pays $3.50 S&H. Credit cards accepted using PayPal.

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BRADY BUNCH MOVIE 70's bradys meet the 90's 1995 VHS

Ted: Dudes! Don't try looking us up in the phone book. And if Mr. Kincaid answers the phone, don't say anything about our eBay auctions. Okay?

Bill: How long have we been in here, Ted?

Ted: I don't know. I lost count a long time ago.

Bill: There's no way Jonah's still out there.

Ted: What, you think he forgot about us?

Bill: Duh! That guy's home in bed, or in that Rollergirl chick's bed, probably.

Ted: What are we gonna do? This is super-duper fucked up!

Bill: Oh, shit! We've got another problem, dude.

Ted: We're gonna starve to death in The Videodrome's break room. What else could go wrong?

Bill: Dude, look at the bag! Our kb's nearly gone!

Bill & Ted (looking at each other): Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!

Ted: Okay, man, let's not panic. KIT. Keep it together.

Bill: I've got it! We'll list a bunch of movies on eBay that some conspiracy theory-believing weirdo types out there will be looking for, they'll believe our story, call the cops, and get us rescued!

Ted: Yeah. Right.

Bill: It'll work, man! It's our only hope!

Ted: So what movie?

Bill: How about The Brady Bunch Movie!

Ted: Word! Hey, hang on, that isn't a strange, creepy cult film that any weirdos are gonna want. You're high, dude.

Bill: Don't you know anything? Why do you think none of the original Brady Bunch kids are in this movie, yet all the actors they used look suspiciously like Bradys?

Ted: Uh, that Sherwood Schwartz dude killed 'em off 'cuz they wanted syndication residuals?

Bill: No, you moron, it's because they cloned 'em! Back in '74, right when that stupid orange hair episode came out and the show went off the air.

Ted: Wow.

Bill: This movie was all part of Schwartz' master plan to invert the TV universe in the year 2001. Like, you know Michael McKean's in this movie.

Lenny? From Laverne & Shirley? You think this just a coincidence?

Ted: You're right dude, and Shelley Long plays Mrs. Brady! That's the chick from Cheers!

Bill: Eventually, they're gonna try and land the Bradys on Gilligan's Island!

Ted: For a three hour tour! Are you serious?

Bill: Dude, we've also got the sequel sitting right here. Let's sell that one in another auction and then I'll explain everything.

Ted: Word! Okay, eBay conspiracy people out there! We know you can hear us! Call the police in your area, and ask them to get in touch with Floyd Kincaid in Wilmington, Delaware, to tell him to come let us out of the break room!

Bill: You doofus! People, don't listen to him. You can call the cops, but don't call Mr. Kincaid. Look, just tell them about the movie.

Ted: The Brady Bunch Movie! Bradys meet the 90's! Jan's psychotic inner voice that wants her to kill Marcia! Cindy the tattle addict! Peter and Bobby ganging up to give Greg a well-deserved beatdown! (I wish.) Most plotlines from bad Brady Bunch episodes recycled and made to fit in ninety minutes! A must for secret Brady fans everywhere! So bid on it!

You are bidding on a previous rental, used VHS videotape of The Brady Bunch Movie (1995), SP mode, released on Paramount label. Tape comes with original box, is in good condition and guaranteed to play. High bidder pays $3.50 S&H. Credit cards accepted using PayPal.

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SCARFACE game over 12" 1997 DR. DRE WEST COAST HIP HOP

Ted: The deal is, don't try looking us up in the phone book. And if Mr. Kincaid answers the phone, don't say anything about our eBay auctions. Okay?

Bill: Dude! We never got any matches at all for that last one!

Ted: I knew it. This is a total plot on his part to get us to do twice as much work.

Bill: Well, I ain't going out like that.

Ted: You can't go anywhere, dude. That's the point. We're locked in!

Bill: See, Jonah's plan falls apart for one simple reason.

Ted: What?

Bill: We're not stoned enough yet to lose count!

Ted: Yeah!

Bill: Fuck it, I'm gonna do this anyway. Here we go. Scarface. Game Over.

Ted: That's the greatest flick of our time, for sure! Are you talking to me, man? Well, say hello to my little friend! And then, boom! I wish they had sound effect thought bubbles in this movie, like in the old Batman TV show, so you could see all the crazy noises those bullets made when they sliced through the Colombians and their other flunky coke goons.

Bill: Are you done?

Ted: Hey man, it's one of my favorite movies!

Bill: Number one, your dialogue's mixed up. Number two, this isn't the movie, dude, we're doing records tonite!

Ted: Oh. Never mind!

Bill: This MC's name is Scarface, the track is called Game Over, and it's the first single from his album The Untouchable, feat. Dr. Dre, Ice Cube, and Too Short.

Ted: What else does it say?

Bill: That you need to shut the fuck up about the list, there is no list, we're a couple of cool Japanese dudes who know our hip-hop.

Ted: Yeah, stone deaf.

Bill: Stone cold! Manuke! Look, this joint is new, like, in near mint condition. It's produced by Dr. Dre. It's on Rap-A-Lot Records. It features four tracks with guest appearances by three hip-hop greats, plus one track is an instrumental.

Ted: That's a lot of hip-hop.

Bill: Look! Under the door! Another match!

Ted: You can bid now, dudes!

You are bidding on a new copy of Scarface's Game Over (1997) 12" single, pictured below, with 4 tracks, including (1) Radio Edit feat. Dr. Dre & Ice Cube, (2) Radio Edit feat. Dr. Dre, Ice Cube & Too Short, (3) LP Version feat. Dr. Dre, Ice Cube & Too Short, (4) Instrumental. Cover is in NM condition, in resealable heavy mylar sleeve. Record is in new, mint condition. High bidder pays $3.50 S&H. Credit cards accepted using PayPal.

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FAT BOYS sex machine 1986 OLD SCHOOL HIP HOP 12"

Ted: Dudes! Don't try looking us up in the phone book. And if Mr. Kincaid answers the phone, don't say anything about our eBay auctions. Okay?

Bill: Jonah! Where did he go? Swear to God, man, this is not cool.

Ted: Yeah, dude, this is like, armed robbery!

Bill: You mean kidnapping.

Ted: Oh, yeah, that too! And like, forced labor!

Bill: And torture! Look at this jar! It's crammed tight with some Haze/Kush/NL5/Thai 4-way type Tommy Chong-certified nugs, super-fresh, super green!

Ted: We could be having a close encounter of the dank kind right now.

Bill: Look, man, what'd he say? One match under the door for every item we list.

Ted: Let's do this! Right here, check it out.

Bill: It's a crazy rekkid. It's The Fat Boys, and a 12" single from like, 1986.

Ted: Sex Machine. Get on up! Uhh! Didn't James Brown do that?

Bill: You moron, that was Marvin Gaye. And besides, this is the Fat Boys doing a cover of the same song, y'know, a cover version?

Ted: I know what a cover is, dude. Like, the cover I pulled up over your girl's ugly mug this morning when I was getting my freak on!

Bill: Check 'em out in their matching Schlitz Malt Liquor gear, shirts, hats, wow.

Ted: Plus it sez here on the list, "included on this release is a super-rare track, Beat Box Is Rocking, probably the best pure beatbox track the Fat Boys ever put out. Featuring in the left corner, at 400 pounds, the original Human Beat Box, showcasing slammin' sick electro samples and mad flawless beat-box technique." Whatever that means!

Bill: It means those Fat Boys were fat, yo. Four hundred pounds of ice cream and Burger King french fries.

Ted: It means we're damn done with this item! Jonah!

Bill: You can bid now, dudes.

Ted: Look! The match!

You are bidding on a used copy of The Fat Boys' Sex Machine (1986) 12" single, pictured below, with 3 tracks, including Sex Machine, Sex Machine (dub), and Beat Box Is Rockin'. Cover is in G-VG condition, a few minor bends, small tear in lower left hand corner of front cover. Record is also G-VG, minor scratches & scuffmarks. High bidder pays $3.50 S&H. Credit cards accepted using PayPal.

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DAZED AND CONFUSED drugs stoners richard linklater ben affleck parker posey 1993 VHS

Bill: Now remember, people, don't try looking us up in the phone book.

Ted: And if Mr. Kincaid answers the phone, don't say anything about buying our movies on eBay. Okay man? So check it! This movie Dazed and Confused is like, essential. Follows a group of way cool dudes and chicks around on the last day of high school, circa 1976, suburban Texas.

Jonah: Wasn't Matthew McConaughey in that?

Stanley: Bet, the dude who liked high school chicks. "The older I get, they stay the same age!"

Emma: I give Linklater props. He snuck lots of revolutionary messages into that movie.

Jonah: Like what?

Emma: Feminist theory via analysis of Gilligan's Island, the cool history teacher warning her students what the Bicentennial's really about, exposing how conformity is enforced through mindless initiation rituals.

Bill: Uh, what was the Bicentennial really about?

Emma, Stanley & Jonah (simultaneously): Celebrating rich white slaveowners who didn't want to pay their taxes!

Bill: I just thought this flick was about smoking a lot of weed.

Ted: You can look at it like through that, y'know, revolutionary lens if you want, man, but the stoner nation knows the truth.

Bill: That's why we will ALWAYS be...READY TO ROCK!

Jonah: You know, you guys are super obsessed.

Bill: We're not the first.

Ted: Yeah, check out those dudes from the Stoned Age who joined the Blue Oyster Cult.

Jonah: The Stoned Age? That movie got made for what, forty cents they fished out of a milk glass?

Bill: But it was real, man.

Ted: Yeah, that movie was a lot deeper than you think.

Jonah: You've both finally flipped. The last Phish show you went to, did you get hit with a laser?

Ted: Forget that third eye shit, man. Alright? That was just Hollywood hokem, and you've gotta look past it. Now check it. What's it say, right here on the box?

Jonah (reading off the box): It says, "Better than Dazed and Confused."

Ted: Bingo. And that's what we're talking about. Not better as in, a more fun, candy-coated view of what it was like to be stoned and live in the 70's. Uh uh.

Stanley: Dazed and Confused has that down cold.

Bill: When you watch The Stoned Age, see, you're getting an up-close, low-rent glimpse into the basement beer blast scene of suburban stoners in the seventies. You're hip to the good, the bad, and the ugly, all up close and personal.

Ted: It's like, classic angst, man. Suburbia breeds anger and disillusionment in like, the whole American Dream. And the stoners are always the first ones to figure it out. Weed opens your eyes to that shit.

Bill: And there's always a killer soundtrack involved, 'cuz music helps keep you sane when you're locked in that kind of dull, conformist environment. BOC in the Stoned Age. Kiss in Detroit Rock City. Over The Edge, and Matt Dillon blasting Cheap Trick.

Jonah: I thought it was Keanu Reeves in that movie, and Crispin Glover was the stoner metalhead.

Bill: Dude, that was River's Edge. Eighties. C'mon, Jonah, you've Mr. Seventies, you've never seen Over The Edge?

Jonah: You'll have to school me.

Ted: Dude! It's only the most fucking right on flick about alienated youth ever made!

Bill: It's like, the Kids of the 70's. Larry Clark wishes he made Over The Edge. But hey, that doesn't make Dazed And Confused any less important!

Ted: Or essential! Parker Posey squirting mustard on high schol jail bait! Slater the king stoner expounding on George and Martha Washington farming weed and getting high! Drugs on the 40-yard line! Ben Affleck in yet another key role along his rise to megastardom! The brilliant followup to Richard Linklater's groundbreaking debut film Slacker, and Linklater's best film to date! What are you waiting for?

Bill: You can bid now, dudes!

You are bidding on a previous rental, used VHS videotape of Dazed And Confused (1993), pictured below. Tape comes with original box, cut-out to fit in white plastic storage case, is in good condition and guaranteed to play. High bidder pays $3.50 S&H. Credit cards accepted using PayPal.

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Sold 7/19/00 @ 5.99