BILL & TED'S EXCELLENT ADVENTURE keanu reeves george carlin STONER CLASSIC 1989 VHS

Bill: Remember, dudes! Don't try looking us up in the phone book. And if Mr. Kincaid answers the phone, don't say anything about our eBay auctions. Okay?

Ted: So how are we getting rescued out of here if no one's supposed to contact Mr. Kincaid? Like, the cops are obviously gonna call him. He owns this place.

Bill: Look, just because I haven't thought that far ahead doesn't mean my plan won't work. Did Chris & Tommy win the science fair or what?

Ted: Yeah, but they had a time machine. Plus assists from David Cassidy and Olivia d'Abo.

Bill: I wish she was here to help us now. Olivia d'Abo. Wow. I wish she'd make some more movies. Why isn't she still making movies? I hope she didn't fall on hard times and lose her teeth in the gutter.

Ted: You mean Margot Kidder.

Bill: Oops! That was fucked up, I know. Sorry, Margot.

Ted: If we had a time machine, we could get out of here by ourselves!

Bill: Just like in our favorite movie.

Bill & Ted: Bill And Ted's Exxxxxcellent Adventure!

Ted: That's an excellent flick!

Bill: Yeah, it's an adventure, too!

Ted: Some people think we got named for those guys.

Bill: Number one, we weren't.

Ted: Number two, we were already born by the time that flick was out.

Bill: But it's okay by us if people are confused.

Ted: Because Bill Preston, esq., and Ted (Theodore) Logan are two righteous dudes!

Bill: Just like Rufus said, even when confused, we must remember to always be excellent to each other.

Ted: Now, this film right here, Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, is far superior to the sequel, Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey.

Bill: Naw, dude, I liked their Bogus Journey!

Ted: But it's not better than their Excellent Adventure.

Bill: Oh, yeah, right.

Ted: As I was saying, there's bodacious shit going on in this film left and right.

Bill: Check out the medieval babes they bag from the thirteenth century!

Ted: They get this time machine, right, and use it to scoop up famous dead dudes from the past so they can ace their history finals.

Bill: Myself, I would have used the time machine slightly different, no offense to our heroes. I would have gone back to a time when dinosaurs ruled the earth, and giant female weed plants grew freely, prehistoric buds sometimes three and four feet in diameter, glowing green with elemental stone-age type crystals!

Ted: Yeah, but if you brought one back, it might be like the butterfly that got stepped on in the Bradbury story, and it would have dire consequences for the entire space-time axis. You'd come back and find totally bizarre stuff had gone down, like George Bush was President again or something!

Bill: No, because I'd smoke it right there, and the power of that prehistoric leaf would be so strong, it would give me a permanent buzz!

Ted: We got that part down already man, smoking nine times a day. You don't need no caveman weed to do that.

Bill: Maybe if we visualize really hard, this microwave here will turn into a time machine, just like Rufus' phone booth.

Ted: I don't think so, man. Look, gimme some of that. Don't be a bogart!

Bill: Listen up! Keanu Reeves rocketed to fame on the strength of this 80's classic! It spawned a sequel! It inspired millions of stoners to put their bowls down, and go to the video store! It's got George Carlin in his most memorable role ever! It's got a sexy step-mom who wears revealing clothes and makes you wish you were sleeping over at Ted's house! And if I'm not mistaken, this title was on moratorium for a long time, making an original copy like this super rare!

Ted: So what are you waiting for, dudes? Bid on it!

You are bidding on a previous rental, used VHS videotape of Bill And Ted's Excellent Adventure (1989), SP mode, the original video release for this title on the Nelson Entertainment label. Tape comes with original box, is in good condition and guaranteed to play. High bidder pays $3.50 S&H. Credit cards accepted using PayPal.

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Sold 9/10/00 @ $10.50

BRADY BUNCH MOVIE 70's bradys meet the 90's 1995 VHS

Ted: Dudes! Don't try looking us up in the phone book. And if Mr. Kincaid answers the phone, don't say anything about our eBay auctions. Okay?

Bill: How long have we been in here, Ted?

Ted: I don't know. I lost count a long time ago.

Bill: There's no way Jonah's still out there.

Ted: What, you think he forgot about us?

Bill: Duh! That guy's home in bed, or in that Rollergirl chick's bed, probably.

Ted: What are we gonna do? This is super-duper fucked up!

Bill: Oh, shit! We've got another problem, dude.

Ted: We're gonna starve to death in The Videodrome's break room. What else could go wrong?

Bill: Dude, look at the bag! Our kb's nearly gone!

Bill & Ted (looking at each other): Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!

Ted: Okay, man, let's not panic. KIT. Keep it together.

Bill: I've got it! We'll list a bunch of movies on eBay that some conspiracy theory-believing weirdo types out there will be looking for, they'll believe our story, call the cops, and get us rescued!

Ted: Yeah. Right.

Bill: It'll work, man! It's our only hope!

Ted: So what movie?

Bill: How about The Brady Bunch Movie!

Ted: Word! Hey, hang on, that isn't a strange, creepy cult film that any weirdos are gonna want. You're high, dude.

Bill: Don't you know anything? Why do you think none of the original Brady Bunch kids are in this movie, yet all the actors they used look suspiciously like Bradys?

Ted: Uh, that Sherwood Schwartz dude killed 'em off 'cuz they wanted syndication residuals?

Bill: No, you moron, it's because they cloned 'em! Back in '74, right when that stupid orange hair episode came out and the show went off the air.

Ted: Wow.

Bill: This movie was all part of Schwartz' master plan to invert the TV universe in the year 2001. Like, you know Michael McKean's in this movie.

Lenny? From Laverne & Shirley? You think this just a coincidence?

Ted: You're right dude, and Shelley Long plays Mrs. Brady! That's the chick from Cheers!

Bill: Eventually, they're gonna try and land the Bradys on Gilligan's Island!

Ted: For a three hour tour! Are you serious?

Bill: Dude, we've also got the sequel sitting right here. Let's sell that one in another auction and then I'll explain everything.

Ted: Word! Okay, eBay conspiracy people out there! We know you can hear us! Call the police in your area, and ask them to get in touch with Floyd Kincaid in Wilmington, Delaware, to tell him to come let us out of the break room!

Bill: You doofus! People, don't listen to him. You can call the cops, but don't call Mr. Kincaid. Look, just tell them about the movie.

Ted: The Brady Bunch Movie! Bradys meet the 90's! Jan's psychotic inner voice that wants her to kill Marcia! Cindy the tattle addict! Peter and Bobby ganging up to give Greg a well-deserved beatdown! (I wish.) Most plotlines from bad Brady Bunch episodes recycled and made to fit in ninety minutes! A must for secret Brady fans everywhere! So bid on it!

You are bidding on a previous rental, used VHS videotape of The Brady Bunch Movie (1995), SP mode, released on Paramount label. Tape comes with original box, is in good condition and guaranteed to play. High bidder pays $3.50 S&H. Credit cards accepted using PayPal.

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DAZED AND CONFUSED drugs stoners richard linklater ben affleck parker posey 1993 VHS

Bill: Now remember, people, don't try looking us up in the phone book.

Ted: And if Mr. Kincaid answers the phone, don't say anything about buying our movies on eBay. Okay man? So check it! This movie Dazed and Confused is like, essential. Follows a group of way cool dudes and chicks around on the last day of high school, circa 1976, suburban Texas.

Jonah: Wasn't Matthew McConaughey in that?

Stanley: Bet, the dude who liked high school chicks. "The older I get, they stay the same age!"

Emma: I give Linklater props. He snuck lots of revolutionary messages into that movie.

Jonah: Like what?

Emma: Feminist theory via analysis of Gilligan's Island, the cool history teacher warning her students what the Bicentennial's really about, exposing how conformity is enforced through mindless initiation rituals.

Bill: Uh, what was the Bicentennial really about?

Emma, Stanley & Jonah (simultaneously): Celebrating rich white slaveowners who didn't want to pay their taxes!

Bill: I just thought this flick was about smoking a lot of weed.

Ted: You can look at it like through that, y'know, revolutionary lens if you want, man, but the stoner nation knows the truth.

Bill: That's why we will ALWAYS be...READY TO ROCK!

Jonah: You know, you guys are super obsessed.

Bill: We're not the first.

Ted: Yeah, check out those dudes from the Stoned Age who joined the Blue Oyster Cult.

Jonah: The Stoned Age? That movie got made for what, forty cents they fished out of a milk glass?

Bill: But it was real, man.

Ted: Yeah, that movie was a lot deeper than you think.

Jonah: You've both finally flipped. The last Phish show you went to, did you get hit with a laser?

Ted: Forget that third eye shit, man. Alright? That was just Hollywood hokem, and you've gotta look past it. Now check it. What's it say, right here on the box?

Jonah (reading off the box): It says, "Better than Dazed and Confused."

Ted: Bingo. And that's what we're talking about. Not better as in, a more fun, candy-coated view of what it was like to be stoned and live in the 70's. Uh uh.

Stanley: Dazed and Confused has that down cold.

Bill: When you watch The Stoned Age, see, you're getting an up-close, low-rent glimpse into the basement beer blast scene of suburban stoners in the seventies. You're hip to the good, the bad, and the ugly, all up close and personal.

Ted: It's like, classic angst, man. Suburbia breeds anger and disillusionment in like, the whole American Dream. And the stoners are always the first ones to figure it out. Weed opens your eyes to that shit.

Bill: And there's always a killer soundtrack involved, 'cuz music helps keep you sane when you're locked in that kind of dull, conformist environment. BOC in the Stoned Age. Kiss in Detroit Rock City. Over The Edge, and Matt Dillon blasting Cheap Trick.

Jonah: I thought it was Keanu Reeves in that movie, and Crispin Glover was the stoner metalhead.

Bill: Dude, that was River's Edge. Eighties. C'mon, Jonah, you've Mr. Seventies, you've never seen Over The Edge?

Jonah: You'll have to school me.

Ted: Dude! It's only the most fucking right on flick about alienated youth ever made!

Bill: It's like, the Kids of the 70's. Larry Clark wishes he made Over The Edge. But hey, that doesn't make Dazed And Confused any less important!

Ted: Or essential! Parker Posey squirting mustard on high schol jail bait! Slater the king stoner expounding on George and Martha Washington farming weed and getting high! Drugs on the 40-yard line! Ben Affleck in yet another key role along his rise to megastardom! The brilliant followup to Richard Linklater's groundbreaking debut film Slacker, and Linklater's best film to date! What are you waiting for?

Bill: You can bid now, dudes!

You are bidding on a previous rental, used VHS videotape of Dazed And Confused (1993), pictured below. Tape comes with original box, cut-out to fit in white plastic storage case, is in good condition and guaranteed to play. High bidder pays $3.50 S&H. Credit cards accepted using PayPal.

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Sold 7/19/00 @ 5.99